It's All True

I just signed up for Adsense, which officially makes my new blog my second job. Which means I'm gonna have to blog some really awesome stuff up here to get people interested in this site. Unfortunately for me, awesome has never come within ten feet of me in my entire life. Sure, we've passed each other on the street, I've seen other people walking with awesome, but the two of us have never been fully acquainted. Until today that is. That's when I got wind of all this late breaking celebrity gossip. Real top notch stuff. The kind of stuff you usually see on AOL or Entertainment Tonight, but thanks to awesome, it got sent to me first.

This just in: Brad Pitt smokes cigarettes. Can you believe that? What vermin! America's sexiest daddy of 15, likes to light a butt every once in a while. I heard he lights a butt in other gay ways as well, but we don't have proof of that yet, and we at Comic Book Happy Time stay far far away from yellow jounalism. If anything we flirt with orange journalism, but as upstanding members of the fourth estate, you can guarantee we'll never touch the yellow stuff. You heard it here first.







Straight from the rumor mill to the truth farm: Barack Obama has been hiding his sorid past as a professional wrestler for some years. The reason why he is such a well spoken, slick politician has nothing to with Ivy League charm schools and everything to do with rocking the microphone for the WWE. While he wrestled as a jabroni he went by the name of Baracker the Attacker, where he owned his moves "The Donkey Kick," "Flying Torso," and the "Killer Obama Butt Drop." As he grew older and gained more experienced he became known as The Macho Man. That's right fake sports fans, Barack Obama is Randy Savage spelled backwards.





The inside poop: Teen star Myley Cyrus has a split personality. Medical Doctors have been speaking with Comic Book Happy Time and they have given their expert opinion that anyone that claims to be both Hannah Montana and Myley Cyrus is "bonkers." Bonkers is the medical term for what is more commonly reffered to as being a "Ziggy Stardust," where celebrities try to resuscitate a failing career by writing under a pseudonym. The personalilty split can be leveled at her father his achy breaky heart was split in twain, not by Shania, but by Roberta Jones president of the United Union of Trailer Park Livers. After said affair, when the heart was achily breakily broken, Billy Ray's soul was doubled and what happens to the soul also happens to the DNA, and he gave birth to twins in one body, hence Myley Cyrus and Hannah Montana. Two girls, one body, complicating the job of CD stock boys everywhere.