Awwwww.

These are easily the greatest things I have ever seen, and I have seen bare breasts. Then I saw this...

Is that not the cutest Nazi you have ever seen? He's even cuter than the Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Arc. Oh, by the way, I will take all of these as gifts.

“When I look in your eyes, is that you baby? Or just a brilliant disguise?”

Green Arrow vol 2 #29 by Mike Grell and Dan Jurgens is the lost, and greatest issue of rock and roll comics to to ever hit newsstands. This comic fans is the issue where Green Arrow has his infamous show down with one Bruce Springsteen.
In the issue, Bruce Springsteen is a drunk ship captain that crashes The Argon Warrior, his tanker, in Alaskan waters, and the oil leaks out killing wild life. Thanks to the corporate heads at Argon, Captain Springsteen hides out in a secret cabin away from persecution, press, and police. It takes a man dressed like Robin Hood named Oliver Queen to track this mother down.



Here now, for reading pleasure are my favorite quotes from Green Arrow 29 and 30 followed by commentary:

"In addition to charges that Captain Springsteen may have been drinking when the tanker ran aground..."

If you hire Bruce Springsteen to drive your oil tanker, don't you kind of expect him to be drunk?

"And just where the hell are you going to go Springsteen?"

Probably to your daughter's bed room.

"Quit whining Springsteen. You've got plenty of food and booze-- just sit tight."

Is there ever such a thing as plenty of booze when Springsteen is involved?

"The search continues for Captain Springsteen, the commander of the vessel..."

Is anyone else getting the best re-imagining of Star Trek from that sentence?

"Springsteen is believed to have fled the state in fear of violence at the hands of outraged conservationists and angry fisherman."

That's what happens when the E Street Band rolls into town.









The issue ends kind of blah, Springsteen doesn't impregnate anything, but on the upside, Ollie doesn't wreck Springsteen's git box playing by shooting an arrow through his hand. The two- parter ends with The oil men getting away scot free, American Indians getting crapped on again, and Ollie leaving Captain Springsteen to his madness. Also a bunch of animals die from the oil spill. For rock and roll comix, these issues were sorely lacking in the rock and roll department. Yeah, Bruce is boozed up the whole time, but that's to be expected, I would have preferred the more traditional super hero team up where, Ollie and Bruce square off do to a misunderstanding, before they team up and rock the place. I eagerly await the movie adaptation of these two issues of Green Arrow.

Dunno if anyone has noticed this, but Madonna thinks she is Black Canary.

2009 Ahoy!

Another reason to not kill myself.

At last, I made it on to the Comics Reporter. Of course, I'm not the dude in the foreground, but over to the right, with the brown t-shirt and jeans that don't quite fit, that's me! It's from when I watched Ben Towel's booth for him at Heroes Con. I looked at 700 pictures from that con to see if I made it into the background, and finally, there I am.

Lookit this!

In which I discover I like XKCD.

Yay!

Finally, some cool Batman stuff.

Batman is for the Children?

Consider yourself spoiler warned....






So the Dark Knight. Really good. Not the greatest movie ever made, maybe the greatest comic movie ever made, but not the greatest movie ever made. A couple things still resonate and stick in my craw:

Christian Bale, you sir are not Batman Stop with the gravelly voice, and that's your free acting lesson from someone that couldn't act like a turd if they tried.

Hey Dark Knight, try not to be 9 hours long, oh you're only 2 and a half? Yikes! That felt like 3 days of my life passed me by in that theatre.

Heath Ledger, you're a great actor, you will be missed, you did a smashing job, and they're going to give you the Oscar. However, you probably don't actually deserve it.

There's a scene in the movie that really bugs me, extra spoiler warnings are go from this point on. Ok, that scene where Batman has to choose between his lady love and Harvey Dent, and the Joker tells him where they are. Now, when I saw that Batman saved Harvey in the movie, I was thrilled, because it was dead on characterization of Batman. Batman loves no mortal woman, if he loves anything more than his wrinkled butlers penis and his young ward's brown eye, it's Gotham City. Batman can love no woman. Sorry Julie Madison, Jezebel Jet, Silver St Cloud, and whatever your character's name was Maggie Gylenhall. Batman doesn't dig chicks, he digs buildings. When I saw Batman rescue Harvey I was giddy, because they had him make the Batman choice. Then I realized, he didn't make the Batman choice. Joker lied to him, so he made the Hollywood choice after all. That scene was the turning point for me in liking the movie, and it turns out it was a sham, I liked the movie because I was too dumb to realize what was really happening. After I thought about it a bit though, I decided that structurally, Batman has to make the wrong choice there, because in his arc he's still learning what he has to sacrifice for Gotham, so I ended up letting them off the hook for that. I think. Ask me again tomorrow.

I still debate whether or not Batman is for the children. This movie says "no," the comic says "no," but there's a part of me that says "yes," and another part of me that says kids are tougher than you think they are, and another part of me that says, kids shouldn't be allowed to watch movies where a woman has a knife held up to her mouth and is threatened with it being sliced open. Then again, the very origin of Batman is the murder of his parents. I dunno, it's an interesting discussion. Maybe not a flaw, just a subject topic.

On to the good points...

It's a tight movie, it's long, but all the plot points weave in and out very well, and it's marvelously executed.

Bat-Cycle is very cool.

Gary Oldman you are Jim Gordon, and I thank you for that.

The action is very good, and has some really wow cool stuff. Not Speed Racer cool, like shit I'd never seen before, but very riveting stuff.

The movie is the least comic booky comic book movie, and I thank it for that. It takes itself seriously, as much as a movie about a Leather Daddy with pointy ears fighting a man with a half a face can be serious.

The characterization of the Joker is excellent. He's shrouded in mystery, no crappy linkage to the Batman origin, he's a complex genius, and of course ker-a-zay. Downside in though, I never felt like the Joker was doing the mayhem because he thought it was funny. It seems he does the things because he can, not because he's telling this great epic joke that only he understands the punch line too.

There's my review, and my thoughts, good movie, but not the best ever, maybe the best comic book movie, but not super hero (that's the Incredibles ya'll). Onward and upward, I personally can't wait to watch Wall-E and Speed Racer again.

The Fart Knight

I'm going to see the Dark Knight in a few hours, and I must admit my trepidation. Everyone is the world has declared this movie the greatest movie of all time. Somehow. I have strong doubts about this, mostly based on the fact that I really hate Batman Begins. However, I'm doing my best to go into this film ith an open mind. Every time I see the picture of Batman riding the Bat Cycle (you call it a bat pod, the rest of us know it's the bat cycle) I get pretty excited. Then I remember who is playing Batman.



Christian Bale. Blegh. His awful Batman voice still rings in my sensative ears. To his credit, I didn't know he was British until a couple months ago. My general disdain of Bale has kept me away from most of his movies. When I did find out he was British I blew a gasket. Batman is American. He is an American institution, and no limey douche should get to play him in the movie. I'm very cool with the fact that the wonderful Scotsman Grant Morrison gets to write the monthly adventures of Batman, but there's something wrong about a british actor playing one of our great tragic psychopaths of all time. I swear if Clive Owen plays Captain America...

The only way things can be set right is if they let an American play one of their iconic roles. I demand reparations. For their stealing of Batman we want James Bond. We're swapping homosexual for homosexual here. At least our fictional hero had the balls to come out of the closet and tell the world he prefers little boys in green shorts to sexy, sexy women. Poor James Bond is still hate porking women in the hopes that people won't discover that he prefers the
taste of seamen.



The rest of cast of Dark Knight is fine. I'm even ok with the Australian playing the Joker, mostly cause I don't really like the Joker that much, and it does chap my hide a bit that Gary Oldman is James Gordon, but I like Oldman so I'll let that slide too. They should have let Alfred be an American, in this BBC version of Batman I'm going to see tonight. The inspired casting award goes to Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face (actually getting Bill Dee Williams back would have been my first choice), so I'm sure he's gonna rock balls the whole movie. The movie would be a million times better if they had gotten Eckhart to play Batman though.

Ok Ok Ok, I'm trying to keep an open mind, I am worried I've already judged it a piece of ass, and no matter how good it is I won't let it succeed. Still, it's a Batman movie, so I'm pretty excited, but if it stinks or if it rocks I've still got Morrison on Batman until 2010, and a roomful of Batman comics that are gonna be better than the movie, no matter how awesome it is. In a couple of hours we'll find out if I've joined the mindless masses, or like Chuck Heston I'm the only bastard left with a brain.

There Will Bee Honey

I made this at Bitstrips. It was nominated for a Bitstrip award. It did not win. The strip that beat me was not better than mine. I am not bitter. It is the truth.

Free Comic Day Every Day

One of the reasons I started this blog, is so people will give me their comics for free. That's right, if you want your work reviewed like never before, then you should send it to me. For free , of course. For one, I offer you a pretty limited readership, but that means there's only one place to go, and that is straight up. Today the traffic might be one person, but tomorrow, it might be two, and so and so on. I like comics of every kind, but I am a tough critic, don't think I'll like your poorly made note book paper mini comic just because you gave it to more free. Oh no, that'll take a bribe.

The main reason why you should send me your comic is drugs. Back in the day, nobody took drugs, it was passe, everyone was too busy, and had better things to do. Then, I started big upping drugs, and bam, it starts catching. First people might try it, and you know, they don't really like it, because no one really likes drugs, but I kept saying how cool drugs were, and nobody likes disagreeing with a taste maker. Eventually, people still hated taking drugs, but they were hooked on them, so it didn't really matter. Now you can't walk down the street with out someone smoking some drugs in your face. Have you tried to visit a newsstand with out High Times looking you square in the peepers. That's me that did that. I can turn something into nothing.

Comics are the same way. No one likes'em. They're made on crap paper, and they're expensive. After I start writing about them, when people talk about rolling up a fatty, it won't be a left handed cigarette they're talking about, it'll be your 80 page giant. Sure, you could try to get a movie made of your comic, but who's gonna see it? No, you're better off sending me a freebie, and letting me put that magic touch on there. Besides I got a face you can trust...












Don't you trust this man? He can make you a lot of money.

It's All True

I just signed up for Adsense, which officially makes my new blog my second job. Which means I'm gonna have to blog some really awesome stuff up here to get people interested in this site. Unfortunately for me, awesome has never come within ten feet of me in my entire life. Sure, we've passed each other on the street, I've seen other people walking with awesome, but the two of us have never been fully acquainted. Until today that is. That's when I got wind of all this late breaking celebrity gossip. Real top notch stuff. The kind of stuff you usually see on AOL or Entertainment Tonight, but thanks to awesome, it got sent to me first.

This just in: Brad Pitt smokes cigarettes. Can you believe that? What vermin! America's sexiest daddy of 15, likes to light a butt every once in a while. I heard he lights a butt in other gay ways as well, but we don't have proof of that yet, and we at Comic Book Happy Time stay far far away from yellow jounalism. If anything we flirt with orange journalism, but as upstanding members of the fourth estate, you can guarantee we'll never touch the yellow stuff. You heard it here first.







Straight from the rumor mill to the truth farm: Barack Obama has been hiding his sorid past as a professional wrestler for some years. The reason why he is such a well spoken, slick politician has nothing to with Ivy League charm schools and everything to do with rocking the microphone for the WWE. While he wrestled as a jabroni he went by the name of Baracker the Attacker, where he owned his moves "The Donkey Kick," "Flying Torso," and the "Killer Obama Butt Drop." As he grew older and gained more experienced he became known as The Macho Man. That's right fake sports fans, Barack Obama is Randy Savage spelled backwards.





The inside poop: Teen star Myley Cyrus has a split personality. Medical Doctors have been speaking with Comic Book Happy Time and they have given their expert opinion that anyone that claims to be both Hannah Montana and Myley Cyrus is "bonkers." Bonkers is the medical term for what is more commonly reffered to as being a "Ziggy Stardust," where celebrities try to resuscitate a failing career by writing under a pseudonym. The personalilty split can be leveled at her father his achy breaky heart was split in twain, not by Shania, but by Roberta Jones president of the United Union of Trailer Park Livers. After said affair, when the heart was achily breakily broken, Billy Ray's soul was doubled and what happens to the soul also happens to the DNA, and he gave birth to twins in one body, hence Myley Cyrus and Hannah Montana. Two girls, one body, complicating the job of CD stock boys everywhere.

Popping My Blogging Cherry

You're my Blog. Apparently, it is that easy to do. No, no I'm not calling you easy, you're a respectable gal, I meant blogging, blogging is easy to do. I have written a few sentences and the internet has not exploded yet, congrats me. Since this is our awkward first date, and I'm still curious as to whether we like each other, yes, we have that physical attraction, but you know, do we hit it off personality wise? I'll be upfront with you: I like comic books, and I'll probably use you as a forum for talking about them. I like talking about myself, and I'll probably post pictures of myself on to you. There's a chance I might write a really really short story or a goofy skit, and I'll post it up here for people to read. If you're cool with that. It won't be good stuff, I promise, just mediocre things. Nothing special. I don't have a lot of friends, so really, people won't be busting up in here at all hours of the night asking "What's up with Brooks? Is he growing his beard again?" Just a few kids over couple of days, good people.

I feel kinda bad, see, you're not my first blog, and If I start writing to you it means I'll be cheating on my old Myspace blog, but really, we weren't right for each other. It wasn't so much her as it was me. We'd just grown a part, you know. I heard there was more fish in the sea, so I thought I'd cast my hook out there and see what bit. Then, one lonely night, there you were, and here we are. The old blog was great, I could say blah blah blah, and toss it up there no problem. But it got to be a little limiting. She was an okay blog, for when I needed blogging training wheels, but now I feel like I'm ready to ride on my own, and who knows, maybe tomorrow I'll be popping wheelies.