Transformers 2: Better than a Rash

Any movie that has a robot with a gold tooth in it is ok in my book. Having said that, Transformers 2 is one of the most mediocre movies I’ve ever seen that has some truly great things in it. Much like the first one, it would have been a better flick sans human beings, or at least the human beings that had been cast in the movie. I missed Jon Voight, but was pleased that Sam’s parents were still the only humans in the movie worth giving a shit about. Not to sound too pretentious or that I actually have any idea as to what I’m talking about, but I feel like the major weakness of Transformers 2 is weak story telling, and perhaps trying to cram too much stuff into an already epic length movie.

The movie hits some really great beats, robots building a sun eating machine inside a pyramid, dropping Optimus Prime out of an air plane, one wheeled robot women, a college slut with a tight ass & a tail; cool stuff. There is a lot of eye candy, and yes, I guess it’s obvious for a movie about robots, but not a lot of heart to the film. It’s got some cool “technology is taking over our lives” and “the enemy is under our noses and goes undetected” vibes, but it never goes too much further than a robot grudge match. Since the movie is B-Movie trash that maybe for the best, but good 1950s B-Movie always have that fear of the atom bomb or red scare message to them. I feel the movie would have reflected modern times a little more if there weren’t about Big Bads that you know where to aim your gun. Instead, if the movie wanted to movie into murky gray moralistic/ethical areas, I would have had the two teams split up into terror cells of renegade robots using Earth as it’s personal battleground with neither side having a leader. To me, that would be more reflective of our current political climate with multiple enemy fronts and a government that doesn’t seem to know how to pull its head out of its ass.

Sadly, the flick ends up falling back on obvious and over used Hollywood sci-fi tropes of love conquers all, destiny, and good versus evil. Granted, this is a movie based a toy line, and maybe it’s just me, but I’m pretty fed up with movies that have all that crud in it. As much as I love Optimus Prime, and I assure you I do. I cried when he died when I was a kid, I tear up when he says “one shall stand, one shall fall” or “Autobots roll out,” and all his trash talk in the flick was a barrel of good times, but they should have kept him dead. They should have cut off the head of the Autobots, scattered them to the four corners of the world and forced them to beat a foe more villainous than Megatron and do it with out Robot Jesus Christ on their side. That could be just my thing, but I like my heroes to be underdogs, and I like to watch them get the stuffing kicked out of them, and then grind the grit in their teeth, catch the foot that’s kicking them and then make the aggressor’s head explode. Bringing Megatron back was a big mistake, from a Hollywood point of view it makes sense, but bringing him back to make him a lackey was weak. The Fallen should have been established as a vile bastard without having to weaken Megatron.

Easily the best character in the movie is Jetfire, not only is he a cranky old robot that walks with a cane, but he’s a turncoat Decepticon that opts out of evil and entropy and instead chooses retirement and solitude. The old soldier who made mistakes, still brandishes his scars, but otherwise wants no reminders of his time of wrongfulness. Instead of being like Sam who is just a marionette on the strings of destiny, Jetfire shows us we can choose our own path and we live or die by our own mistakes and victories and we don’t walks a road that has already been paved for us. If I were to make a summer movie analogy Sam is Star Trek the movie we’ve already seen, nothing new here, a nice old friend, but Jetfire is something new, he’s Drag Me to Hell; something new, scary and wonderful.

Wisely, the stars of the movie are the robots, but where they shine, the humans cast no light. Most of the robots have something great going for them from Optimus Prime’s savage nobility, to Bumblebee’s love for Spike, the villain’s hatred manifesting itself as they spit and vomit juice all over the screen, but the humans…they don’t have anything to do. Sam’s parents get to be fun and kooky, Sam kinds has some faux Marvel Comics Spider-Manisms thrust on him as he wants dump his responsibility for school and ‘tang, but the rest of the humans are just obnoxious. The Mexican dude: irritating. John Turturro has some good lines, but otherwise, irritating. Army guys=bland guys. However, The Fallen suffers from the same problems Nero did in Star Trek, he’s bad because they say he is. Yeah, he wants to blow up our Sun, but he doesn’t walk onto the screen and the first thing you see him do is choke a man to death. How is that George Lucas, who is a retard gets it, and these people, who have a robot with a gold tooth in its mouth, miss the point?
The action is a lot of fun, robots get shredded to pieces and some even get their faces ripped off, but it’s video game cinema at its best. The lines are hokey and cheesy, but they seemed to fit, not only Hollywood blockbuster type of crap, but also the kind of trash talk you hear on Xbox Live. The bits of the movie that played to stoners/gamers really soared, but the parts they tried to cram on to Middle America (love/destiny) just fell flat. My favorite bit of villainy (besides Megatron’s vomiting): knocking over the American flag. Those robots are evil! They hate freedom! Good stuff. If you want to go to the movies and watch robots tear each other limbs from limb goes see Transformers. The run time on the sucker is about a week long, but if you stop and try not to think to hard, you get your money’s worth. If you want to see a good flick go see Up! Or Drag me to Hell. Or maybe the Hangover, I haven’t seen it but I hear it’s funny. That’s what I got to say, feel free to chime in with your opinions.

Good times.

Here's something spectacular for my fabulous fiftieth post.

To Comfortably Go Where We've Already Gone Before.

Just got back from seeing the new star Trek movie, and it was a pretty decent movie. But...it's not that great. The biggest problem I had with the movie was that it was called Star Trek. Somewhere in the middle of the movie it dawned on me that there was no reason for the movie I saw tonight to be tethered to some 50 year old science fiction franchise, when it would have served the movie better had it been called Sexy Teenagers in Space. The entire film I sat there and dissected and compared and contrasted this flick with the original series, and I never even gave it a shot as its own independent thing. Technically, it isn't its own independent thing and therefore the comparison must be made.

It reminded me of when I go see the super hero movies that and I sit there and think about how much better I like the source material than what I'm watching on the screen. Star Trek suffers from the same thing. It has awesome laser gun noises and the spaceships look wicked as hell, but no one that utters a line even matches up to their original counterpart. Sure the inflection might be there or even the occasional he sort of looks like Kirk there, but you never really see Kirk up there.

The whole idea of the movie is a little lazy in that it doesn't have to establish anything new. We already know these characters by heart, si there's no need to do anything but stay on the surface. One thing that struck me about the movie was how there weren't any great one liners you could walk away quoting. Then it dawned on me there were great one liners, it was just that I'd been hearing them all my life and they had become routine. I've already heard "Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a clit masseuse" a thousand times. Gimme something new fellas. The archetypes work just fine, we'll trot them out in some shiny new shirts, but they'll say the same things and people will think they're seeing something they ain't never seen before. Therein lies another problem.

Star Trek is about boldly going where no one has ever gone before, except this time we've already been to Myrtle Beach. It doesn't mean Myrtle Beach isn't a bad place, it's great actually, but we've been going there for a few Summer's now. I hear Virginia is for lovers, lets see what the poon tang is like in that direction, it might be great.

The argument could be made that I knew wasn't going to get anything new out of something called Star Trek anyways, that if I want new I should go see something else. and you would be correct, but that outer space big budget sci-fi movie didn't get made, because they went for the sure thing and remade Star Trek instead of giving me Sexy Teens in Space.

There's a line in the movie about star Fleet needing guys like Jim Kirk that'll give it a boot up its ass and make it exciting and not so self assured and routine. Maybe this was a little aside about Hollywood. It needs something to come along and make something new for the kids today. It's great that I like Superman and Batman and my nephew does too, but it saddens me some to see that a lot of the same toys I played with are still popular today. I know there are some new and great things out there, but sometimes it gets hard to see them with the old ideas mugging for everyone's attention.

Questions that kept running through my mind is why not Star Trek? and when do you change things to the point where it's no longer Star Trek. If you're making a movie about the space navy that journey's around having adventures you might as well call it Star Trek, but if but if you start tweaking a few things maybe it's no longer Star Trek. To me Star Trek was much more cerebral than this movie. Star Trek is less laser guns and more philosophy. Less rocket engines and more dramatic intensity. This of course is partly due to the limitations of 1960s TV, but for better or for worse, that's what Star Trek is. Well, not this movie anyways, this movie is just Space Navy pretending to be Star Trek, but maybe in it's heart of hearts it wants to be Sexy Teens in Space. If you call the ship the enterprise, but you never really wrestle with any moral dilemma or philisophical question, is it still Star Trek?

I ate a lot of pop corn, I saw some some cool blinky lights, and I generally had a good time. There's certainly worse things I could have spent my money on, but in another time line my $8 went to Sexy Teens in space, and I had a blast.

Here's a video from Cartoonbrew.com about the early/forgotten history of Superman in animation before his Tv show in the 1950s. For those keeping track it's about 7 minutes long, but I still found it to be a lot of fun. Lately I've been thinking about my love of super heroes and how I really seem to enjoy "off model" or parody versions even more than the genuine article, so it wasn't a huge surprise when I liked the Little Lulu portion of this piece the best. Maybe someday I'll get around to doing a post on my love of parody and cipher versions of my favorite heroes. The video opens with some clips from the Fleischer studios Superman cartoons of which I have been a big fan of since I saw a bunch of them on Nick at Night back when I was like 11 or 12. I used to really hate Superman but the slick animation and darker look really made me like the Man of Steel.



Notice the differing "S" shield with the black background instead of yellow. I have quite a fascination with the evolution of the symbol, and I've bought a few Superman comics just because they've used that "S" symbol as opposed to the standard version.




It was this look that inspired the Superman from Mark Waid and Alex Ross' Kingdom Come, the first time in comics form I ever liked him. Yes, I followed the Death and Return of Superman and had an issue here and there, but during that I was hoping the Cyborg would turn out to be the real Superman, but when Supes returned with a new mullet in tow my hopes were dashed of ever really liking him. Over the years I've read some really amazing Superman comics that have opened my eyes to the character, and I consider him one of my all time favs now. Enjoy the video.

Save Me Black Dynamite

Trailer

Posted using ShareThis

After about 15 minutes of doing homework, I needed this. NSFW, as if any of the people I know work in real places.

It's probably a trap.

Yer God damn right it is.

"What is great in man is that he is a bridge and not an end"

There comes a time in a man’s life where he must choose between living life as a whimpering fool or being bold, balling up his fist, and fighting for the right to live as a man. Many of us will never be put in a situation like that, but others, like Jack Harrow, they must make that fateful decision and live with the consequences…

It was snowing on Christmas Eve in Olan, Michigan and there was a rumor on the radio that there was one mythical can of cranberry sauce left in the whole state. Jack Harrow wasn’t a particular fan of cranberry sauce, but his wife was, and it was Christmas and there had to be cranberry sauce on Christmas. So, he set out a couple hours before lunch to try and find the can for the family dinner that night. The roads were slick as glass and a blind man had better visibility, but Jack trudged on, not for the love of his wife, more so he wouldn’t have to hear that nagging about having ruined Christmas by forgetting cranberry sauce when he was out buying the ham the other day.

It took 25 minutes just to make it 5 miles down the road, but Jack finally pulled into the tiny parking lot of Eddie & Mae’s discount convenient store. Even though the exterior of the building suggested a quaint old fashioned convenient store it was really just a nationwide chain. Eddie & Mae’s was a mom and pop chain actually owned by Amir and Mahjub Rahman, entrepreneur brother refugees from Iran that had both fled the country to live the American dream of rock and roll and blond haired, blue eyed, big tittied chicks. In order to eventually become the music moguls they wanted to be, they set up the discount chains. The deal was they jacked up prices from other chain grocery stores, but provided that down home country feel modern America seemed to be missing. Jack Harrow found the last cobweb and dust covered can of cranberry sauce with a $7 price tag attached.

The store was empty except for a bored cashier girl, and silent except for the pinging of her cell phone. Another gentleman had entered the store wearing a long trench coat and a toboggan. Jack, figuring the man was after the same cranberry sauce, crooked his hand, and put the can close to his body to shield it from view. However, the man stepped to the counter and pulled out a small pistol, aimed it at the cashier and asked for the all the money. The young girl behind the counter had been loudly smacking her gum and sending text messages; her two thumbs zipping across the key pad of her Blackberry. Annoyed, she hopped off her stool, rolled her eyes, and with heavy, pounding movements, opened the cash drawer.

The man turned and faced Jack, pointing the gun at him, and warning him not to try any funny business. Jack stuck both hands straight up in the air with the cranberry sauce resting on his palm like a golden display trophy. The gunman, upon seeing the sauce, licked his lips, and poked Jack in the tummy for the tart treat. The cashier, as if the money weighed hundreds of pounds, slammed the cash on the counter.

Even though yellow piss was running down Jack’s leg, he did not give up the can, instead, used his body as a shield to hide it from the grubby paws of the filthy gunman. The gunman, displeased, cocked his gun. In a split second, Jack made the decision to go from ordinary man to that of super hero. He took the can in his fist and hurled it at the gunman, pegging him square between the eyes, then with all his middle-aged might, tackled the man into the ice cream display. The cashier, wisely, took out her camera phone and snapped pics to e-mail to her blog. In the fracas, the gun went off. The gunman, seeing what had happened, fled the scene, leaving behind both money and cranberry sauce. The cashier was in nursing school, and quickly made Jack comfortable, and applied pressure to the gun wound in his arm to stop the blood flow. The bullet had grazed Jack’s arm and burned more than bled, but poor Jack thought it was a mortal wound. By the time the authorities arrived, the girl had just about everything taken care of for Jack except the actual stitching, he was taken to the hospital where the wound was stitched and his wife picked him up to take him to dinner with the family.

The whole way home she nagged him about trying to be a big man and how he’d ruined Christmas by getting shot. Jack slumped against the window of the car with his chin in his hand and watched the snow falling down. The cops had taken the cranberry sauce, for evidence they said. They confiscated it for the good of the case, they said with a smile, but deep down Jack knew those pigs were eating his cranberry cause and having themselves a merry Christmas at his expense.

Haters!

Instead of actually writing something new, I'm just posting up my recent homework assignment. For my life development class I had to visit various places, one of which was a funeral home, and here's my one page response to the visit. I'm posting it because of certain red headed, excellent gift giving haters out there called me out on some comments my teacher made about the piece. The comments in question were "talented," "gifted," and "you should be a writer." My teacher might be out of her mind, but I dunno it'd made me feel pretty good.


Old Man’s Treasure

I spent about fifteen minutes inside the Hayworth Miller Funeral home. I had called the night before and set up a meeting with a gentleman, and when I arrived at the pre-determined time, they were seeing a customer. It was one of those out of the blue things, which is kind of how death works. They thought that if I waited a bit then they would get a chance to talk to me, and after I flipped through a Winston Salem Monthly magazine Wes came out and told me straight up that they weren’t going to be finished anytime soon, and that his best friend’s mom had just passed away, and it was going to take some time. Even though I didn’t get to see any dead bodies or watch them suck the guts out of anyone, which I probably would have enjoyed, I still had enough info on my impression of this place.

The first thing I noticed is the box of tissues they had laying around everywhere. On every surface was a box of tissues, which was the clue that this wasn’t your everyday office building, that and the church pews. Unfortunately, I’ve been to some viewings at Hayworth Miller before, and I say unfortunately not because it isn’t a nice place, because it is, but because it’s always a bit of a bummer when you go to the funeral home, hence the tissues. The waiting room is also the place where, during a viewing, the people can mingle or hob knob or whatever it’s called that people do at funeral home when they aren’t offering condolences and viewing the body.

The tissues in the waiting room, the interrupted appointment, and the burying of your best friend’s mom, all seem to sum up the life of a funeral director for me. Tissues equal sadness, what should have been a slow day becomes a busy day, meaning death strikes when it pleases, and finally, there comes a time when you have to bury someone that is close to you.

When I was in kindergarten my grandma died from Alzheimer’s disease, and ever since then I think I’ve been obsessed with my own death. In second grade I kept looking at an old science book that talked about the sun going super nova, burning everything, and then slowly winking out; leaving Earth a cold barren place. It’s easy to recall the red skies and boiling seas giving way to the eternal night and frozen land where nothing lives. Then in the 8th grade I was absolutely sure the Earth was going to end, even though the science book reassured me the sun wouldn’t burn out for billions of years. Still, the folks at church kept saying Jesus could come back at any time, cue my reading of the Book of Revelations to see what was going to go down. After that, I kind of mellowed out some, but I still have a fascination with dystopian futures and post apocalyptic literature and movies.
Even though the end of all things always freaked me out, death in my family wasn’t quite so bad. Not to say they weren’t sad occasions, but the events leading up to and after the funeral, usually involve a lot familial bonding along with good food and story telling. When my Grandpa died my cousin’s then wife became very upset at all the laughter going on in the house, because she was more used a dour mourning experience. However, we Cornatzer’s are great socializers and liars, so the events take on a more lighthearted atmosphere.

I was in the third grade when my grandpa died and my mom gave me the option of staying home or going to school, I wasn’t upset at the time about him being dead, but I didn’t know what to do, when my mom said my sister was staying home, I stayed as well, and I played a lot of video games over the course of a couple days. My grandpa meant a lot to me, when I rattled off crap about Spider-Man or ninjas he always listened and put up with me running through his house attacking imaginary super villains.

The weird thing about my grandpa is that he had his leg amputated, which isn’t so weird, until you learn he kept his leg in a freezer in the basement. Apparently there’s a passage in the Bible, or something he believed anyways, about having all your body parts when you get to heaven. Thus, in order to walk around in Heaven, he made sure he was buried with his amputated leg. There were countless afternoons I spent with my sister and my cousin daring them to go look at the leg.
After his funeral there was the rumor that money had been hidden in his house, so for the better part of a week most of my family looked over that house all over before the house was sold, and I remember sitting around day dreaming with my cousins and helping out on this grand treasure hunt. All that mingled up to death not being so bad, except for when I would lay in my bed at night and try to imagine would it would be like to cease to exist, or what it would be like to live forever, both of which scared me equally.

The funeral home just reminds me of people getting together to talk about sports or what’s going on in town, with the unpleasantness of having to hug people you haven’t seen in awhile, and then look at a body, that I keep thinking is going to wake up and grab me. Everyone says those bodies laying there look empty, but to me, they look like they’re about to spring into action, so I avoid the funeral home and funerals, but I love the family gatherings, maybe that’s why I like Christmas more than death. I’ll take a toy over a casket any day.

Ladies get wet...

That my friends is sex in a pair of sunglasses.

That Close Encounter Was More Than A Feeling

Close Encounters of the 3rd kind is the behind the scenes documentry about the band Boston's arrival on Earth and why Richard Dreyfuss is their number one super fan. Before the band lands in Wyoming and plays its first gig before an audience, they do a couple of rehearsals for some lucky folks, and one of them is played by Richard Dreyfuss. Hearing an early version of the song "More than a Feeling" actually sunburns one side of Dreyfuss' face, now that is ROCK&ROLL POWER! Just hearing the live demo is enough for Dreyfuss to become obsessed with the band, and begins plotting how he can do something to meet the band. Before his close encounter with Boston, Dreyfuss is in a semi-unhappy marriage to the hot ass Teri Garr, who for some reasons does not interest him as much as his toy trains. The reason, of course, will profoundly change Richard Dreyfuss' life forever.

The music of Boston is so inspirational to Dreyfuss, it forces him to reconsider his very indentity. He starts realizing the reason that his marriage and family are in the clinker is because he's gay. At first it really stresses him out, he cries in front of his children and showers in his clothes, but he finally manages to reach some peace of mind once he drives his family away. It truly is more than just a feeling when Dreyfuss' latent homosexuality manifests itself in his various dick sculptures made out of dirt, shaving cream, and mashed potatoes.

Boston's first major concert is such a huge deal only the military and and scientists are invited to attend. Dreyfuss along with a Melinda Dillon, a mother who is upset with the band because Boston, like really really wanted her 5 year old son Barry to be a roadie for them, so like the rock goblins they are, Boston stole him in the middle of the night. Anyway, Dreyfuss and Dillon totally break into the first ever Boston gig, and while the band is playing "Amanda," it's enough to make Dreyfuss think maybe he isn't gay, and he'd really like to cheat on his wife and make out with distraught mother Meldina Dillon. After a pop kiss though, Dreyfuss is pretty sure he's gay, and not even the power of a band named after a city is enough to change that. It works out for him though as Boston invites him on their next tour of outerspace. Dreyfuss is pretty thrilled about touring space because it means he gets to leave his wife and sons behind on planet Earth for 30 years without ever telling them where he went or offering to pay child support. Being an intergalactic dead beat dad is even better than just being your average dead beat dad.

I think we all know by now how the movie ends. Since the Army recorded the Boston show, which is such a rad show, it goes on to change the world and inspire other tremendously cool rock bands like the Led Zeppelin, Elvis Presley, and Toto.

New Comics day via 1986

I read about "In Pictopia" a couple years ago when I discovered Tom Spurgeon's 1000 reasons to love comics meme. Everyone else discovered it years ago. It was also the place where I discovered Grant Morrison and Dave McKean's "For a glass of water." I found the Morrison story in a comic shop shortly after I leanred about it, but I've never found "In Pictopia" before, mainly due to the fact that I remembered it being called "Pictopia," which, as it turns out, is a completely different underground comic series. Anyway, some nice soul has scanned in "In Pictopia" to sate my curiosity.

It is stated to be one of Moore's best, but I found it to be a little disappointing. Hype could be playing a part, but I also didn't get some of the social subtext until I read the comments at the bottom. It's a cool story, but it's a schtick that Alan Moore has used time and time again, where all these kinds of comic characters exist in the same place. You can see it in Supreme, Tom Strong, and Top Ten. I like the idea and i think it's really cool, but it felt like I'd seen it before. Perhaps if I had read it when it was first published it would have really rocked my balls. Don't think I'm kncoking Moore though, Morrison will reuse the same ideas all the time and sometimes I cheer him for it, and others I'm like "come on dude, enough with the comics about comics deal, guys."

So yeah, cool story, if a little played out, great Don Simpson art, and free. Here you go, the link to Alan Moore and Don Simpson's classic "In Pictopia."

http://community.livejournal.com/scans_daily/6400229.html

The good stuff

Everyone making comics just got owned by this web comic. Enjoy...

http://www.sugarboukas.com/X/DCFM/wDCFM13

Ponderations.

Curious thoughts of the day:

1. Is it possible that students with reading disabilities can actually read incredibly well so long as it is in txt speak, a web page, or an advertisement? Have these three items over taken the traditional language of white people books and periodicals?

2. Is saying something is hilarious because it's not politically correct, the same as saying that shit is funny because it's racist?

Discuss...

Nerd Connection

In an amazing effort to avoid doing homework, we're going to play a game. Rather, I will play the game and you will either read and be astounded or click away to something far more fun and enjoyable on the internet. If you can't find anything to look at on the internet, I heard youtube.com had some funny things.

Today, Sunday Sepetember 28 or 2008, Tom Spurgeon of the comics reporter, which is the comic book/strip/editorial cartoon website posted a list of 50 things he thinks every comic collection should contain. Spoiler warning: I don't hit al 50, but I come close, and we'll go through the list item by item.

1. Something From The ACME Novelty Library

I own Quimby the Mouse and I have read Jimmy Corrigan Smartest Kid on Earth.

2. A Complete Run Of Arcade

Don't own this and I've never heard of it until now.

3. Any Number Of Mini-Comics

I have Kevin Huezinga's Or Else, and a couple issues of James Kolchaka's Conversations series.

4. At Least One Pogo Book From The 1950s

I have 2 Pogo books the Best of pogo and we have met the enemy and he is us

5. A Barnaby Collection

I don't own any of these, but I read some Barnaby strips in the Smithsonian collection of comics.

6. Binky Brown and the Holy Virgin Mary

Don't have this either.

7. As Many Issues of RAW as You Can Place Your Hands On

Nope, none of these.

8. A Little Stack of Archie Comics

Don't own a stack, but I have a few Archies.

9. A Suite of Modern Literary Graphic Novels

Of the ones he has listed I own Black Hole, Blankets, and Epileptic. I read Gemma Bovary when I worked at Barnes and Noble, and i checked out Ghost World from the library.

10. Several Tintin Albums

The Tintin I own: Secret of the Unicorn, Blue Lotus, Red Rackham's Treausre, Seven Crystal Balls, Prisoners of the Sun, and Castafiore Emerald

11. A Smattering Of Treasury Editions Or Similarly Oversized Books

Batman C-25, With One Magic Word...Shazam, Christmas with the Super Heroes, Secret Origins Super Villains, Marvel Treasury Edition Amazing Spider-Man

12. Several Significant Runs of Alternative Comic Book Series

Of those listed I have collections from Hate, Eightball, and Optic Nerve

13. A Few Early Comic Strip Collections To Your Taste

I gots Popeye, Krazy Kat, Little Nemo in Slumberland

14. Several "Indy Comics" From Their Heyday

American Flagg!, Zot!, Nexus, and Mister X all reside in my collection.

15. At Least One Comic Book From When You First Started Reading Comic Books

An issue of Spider-Man and his Amazing friends, an issue with Ironman where he teams up with Spider-Man, issues of Avengers with Spider-Man, and some Batman issues.

16. At Least One Comic That Failed to Finish The Way It Planned To

I have one issue of Big Numbers.

17. Some Osamu Tezuka

Ode To Kirikito, and I plan on buying Blackjack this Christmas

18. The Entire Run Of At Least One Manga Series

Uzumaki and Akira, but I've read all of Lone Wolf and Cub and I'm working on collecting Dragon Ball.

19. One Or Two 1970s Doonesbury Collections

This sounds good, but alas, none to speak of in the collection.

20. At Least One Saul Steinberg Hardcover

Never heard of the dude.

21. One Run of A Comic Strip That You Yourself Have Clipped

I used to keep some get Fuzzy strips in my wallet.

22. A Selection of Comics That Interest You That You Can't Explain To Anyone Else

Hello Legion of Super Heroes.

23. At Least One Woodcut Novel

None to speak of.

24. As Much Peanuts As You Can Stand

I have the complete Peanuts 1950-1952, and the collection Dr Beagle and Mr Hyde

25. Maus

Yup, finally bought book 2 the other day, first read it in Geometry class in the 10th grade checked out from the Davie High Library.

26. A Significant Sample of R. Crumb's Sketchbooks

Complete Crumb Comics vol. 3, not a sketchbook per se, but a collection of strips and greeting cards.

27. The original edition of Sick, Sick, Sick.

Nope, this looks very cool though.

28. The Smithsonian Collection Of Newspaper Comics

Don't own it, but I read it from the library.

29. Several copies of MAD

I have some Mad paperbacks, and a reprint of the first issue.

30. A stack of Jack Kirby 1970s Comic Books

You bet your sweet ass I have these. Collections of Mister Miracle, New Gods, Forever People, Jimmy Olsen, issues of the Demon, Omac, Kamandi, and Captain America.

31. More than a few Stan Lee/Jack Kirby 1960s Marvel Comic Books

Avengers vol. 1, Essential Fantastic Four vol 3, reprints of X-men#1, Hulk#1, and Fantastic Four#1

32. A You're-Too-High-To-Tell Amount of Underground Comix

Fabulous Furry Freak brothers collection

33. Some Calvin and Hobbes

Read some collections the Ex had...

34. Some Love and Rockets

Locas, an issue of Maggie and Hopey, all of vol 2, and I think I still own the first collection of Music for Mechanics

35. The Marvel Benefit Issue Of Coober Skeber

This just went on the want list.

36. A Few Comics Not In Your Native Tongue

A spanish edition of Fantastic Four#1 bought for me by my sister when she went to Spain with the Foreign language club.

37. A Nice Stack of Jack Chick Comics

None by Jack Chic, but I pulled a religious comic out of the trash at work one day. That's when you're crazy for comics, when you pull them out of the trash.

38. A Stack of Comics You Can Hand To Anybody's Kid

I used to have more, but I gave a lot to my neice. I still have a lot of Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck Comics and a Little Lulu collection

39. At Least A Few Alan Moore Comics

A lot...a whole lot...

40. A Comic You Made Yourself

Some comic scripts I've written...

41. A Few Comics About Comics

Understanding Comics, Animal Man, and Hicksville,

42. A Run Of Yummy Fur

Sigh...another thing I don't have...

43. Some Frank Miller Comics

Yup...Daredevil, Sin City, Hardboiled, Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot, etc...

44. Several Lee/Ditko/Romita Amazing Spider-Man Comic Books

Lots of reprints and a few essential Spideys

45. A Few Great Comics Short Stories

None of the ones listed, but I have For a glass of water by Grant Morrison and Dave Mckean, and plenty of anthology titles.

46. A Tijuana Bible

No, but as much as I beat off I probably should.

47. Some Weirdo

Nah, not coll enough to own any...

48. An Array Of Comics In Various Non-Superhero Genres

Of those listed EC Comics, Criminal, Sandman, an issue of Gold Key's Star Trek

49. An Editorial Cartoonist's Collection or Two

A big fat zero.

50. A Few Collections From New Yorker Cartoonists

Nah, not high brow enough to have these.

That's a grand total of 32 out of 50. that's just counting the things I own, and not counting my comic scripts. I'll let the world be the judge if I've wasted my time or not. Me? I've got some reading to do.

A Night At The Movies

Richard Harris proves to be the greatest method actor of all time. In Man in the Wilderness he plays a man mauled by a bear. Outdoing Daniel Day Lewis, Harris actually let the bear maul him. This movie is not fiction, it is a documentary of Richard Harris lying in the dirt for six months and healing himself. Once filming had been completed and he was back in tip top shape, Harris killed Peggy the Bear with his power move, poison booze breath. I dare Hollywood to churn out a man like this again.

New Trends To Die For

Hot New fashion statement for 2009:

Musketeer.

Another reason to celebrate 2009: Negro League Baseball video game coming for Nintendo Wii. Play on such famous teams as the Kansas City Monarchs and the Homestead Grays. Be Negro league super stars Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson and Buck O'Neil. A forgotten part of American sports history returns this year to my favorite console. Yay!

End Times

It started in November of 2005, and it ends on Wednesday. I love this comic series. It's been there for me through some rough times. I honestly can't imagine what it will be like to read this last issue and know that in 3 months there won't be another coming along to lift my spirits on a bad day. I knew this day was coming, so I'm ready for the end, but I'm going to miss it like hell.

All I'm Going To Say About The Election

I wish you would all shut the fuck up with the trash talking. Talking trash is for rappers, video game players, and sports fans. You all supposed to be grown up leaders that talk about policy with ideas on how to fix things. All I've heard fall out of your childish mouths is "I'm great" or "He stinks." I'll stop bitching about your trash talking when you get as good at it as rappers. Until then be politicians. Thanks.

Cravings.

Fruit in a jar
you're my lucky star

Rumble in my belly
I'm craving that jelly

i need that wholesome fruit
to make the brain compute

Give me all the flavors
for my tongue to savors

Grape and peach
the taste I'll leech.

Is that lime?
Then I've got them time.

I like it on toast
but I'd eat it on roast.

Just let me spread
till I'm well fed.

If a friend you want to make
put jelly in a cake

But if you hide your jam
I'll likely scram.

Luckily I've got preserves
held in my reserves.

So don't frown
if in jelly I drown.

I'll die made in the shade
smothered in marmalade.